If your teenager is approaching the end of school with absolutely no idea what comes next, you’re in good company. It’s one of the most common things I hear from parents. And the more I work with young people at this stage, the more I’ve come to think the problem isn’t the kid – it’s the question.
But before we get to that, let me describe three teenagers I recognise.
The compliant one
They’ve spent their school career doing what was asked of them. Turned up, worked hard, followed the rules, got reasonable results. They’re good at being students. The problem is that “being a good student” has now been removed as an option, and nobody has told them what replaces it. The structure that held everything together is gone, and the options are suddenly endless. What nobody has told them is that from now on, there’s no right path to follow – and that they’re going to get things wrong, and they need to learn to be okay with that. Choosing the wrong degree, landing a job they hate, working for someone who doesn’t see how hard they’re trying. These aren’t failures. They’re the actual curriculum.
The resistant one
They spent their school career being told to sit down, behave, and care about things they genuinely didn’t care about. So they’re gun-shy about signing up for more of the same. University sounds like an extension of everything that didn’t work for them the first time around. What nobody has told them is that the qualities that made school difficult – the resistance to authority, the unwillingness to just go along with things, the restlessness – are qualities that will now start working in their favour. The ability to take calculated risks, to not wait for someone to tell them what to do, to be okay with getting it wrong. The world outside school has a lot of room for people like this.
The happily average one
Never really outstanding at anything in particular, so no obvious direction has ever presented itself. Like a menu with too many options when you’re not really hungry – what do you do when nothing really appeals but you’ve got to pick something? These kids often get the least attention because they’re not struggling visibly. But the absence of a clear strength to follow can be quietly paralysing.
Regardless of which of these sounds familiar, the starting point is the same – helping them see school for what it is, and starting to consider what they actually want from life after it.
Focusing on interests can be easier than focusing on abilities, because abilities can be context specific and relative.
For example, which sounds more fun as a job – helping people or fixing things? Working on the same interesting problem for a long time, or tackling a new problem, fixing it and moving on? Do they want to be challenged in their job, or do they just want it to pay the bills so they can go travelling? What types of things do they find interesting? Science problems, making beautiful things, caring for small children, taking engines apart?
How do they feel about going to uni for a long time? Or TAFE for less time? Or learning on the job?
By making notes about each of these practical areas, it becomes possible to eliminate options for now, or include options for immediate consideration.
As a parent, you know your child best, and learning to see them as the sum of their practical abilities can be very helpful in guiding their initial career decisions.
If you’d like a starting point, I’ve put together a free reflection worksheet that works well for school leavers and career changers alike.
